22/10/2021 - JUMAAT (FRIDAY)
Since my last post was on 11 March 2020. A year after that, yeah. Now, currently, I am 25 years old. Doing my practical at Petaling Jaya to complete my degree. It has been about 3 months since I've been practising there, so roughly will be 2 months left. It's a quite long journey I had to confront. The place is quite far away from my house and I have to wake up early at 550 am because the time to enter is 730 am until 8 pm. I don't know why, what I felt, I don't even know. It's actually not because of the workplace, it has something to do with my heart maybe. When I feel like I want to write and confess, yeah here I am.
The real world is suck. Don't you feel the same way? I am literally don't know how to describe my feelings at this moment, right now. I know that out there my friends are having the same situation, practical like me. It is just I take time to accept all these changes. After the internship period, I have to confront the reality, the unknown people who I don't even know what kind of person they are. After this, I have to ride on my own, go everywhere I want to go, socialize with colleagues and much more challenges come towards me.
I've just broken up with my boyfriend which we have already known for 9 years since I was in High School. He left me just like he was planning to do it, I don't know. What makes it more hurtful is I just saw uncoincidentally his status saying that "she's asked me for ice skating and I don't know how to play it". Damn, how come I can see his status even I already deleted his number. So yeah, I forgot that I saved his contact too in the other sim which I recently just inserted into my phone. Seen that, automatically I delete his number right away.
At the same time, I am currently chatting with my ex. Out of a sudden, yeah. I don't know how come we can get close back, but pretty sure that this won't stay for long. FYI, he already had a girlfriend and guess what, we will holiday together upcoming 2 weeks. I don't mind and the problem is absolutely not about him, I just being scared that I or we will fall in love again with each other. I don't want that to happen because yeah I know he already has someone which he had known since he was in High School. I don't mind if he is meant for me and I am meant for him. Seriously, I've got no mood to write a report for my practical. ahhh !!! I feel that my world has been empty. Each of everyone that I love left me. Why do I have to suffer like this ? I am just don't know how to react with my circle, my family also doesn't even know what's inside my heart, my mind. I think this is not right, but what can I do? I never ask for this. How am I supposed to live for the other days? I feel that my life is nothing, my life is sorrow. I lived in my own world which nobody can enter. It's just me and my world. What do I have to do next? I don't know either. Where would be the destiny for me? Where would be the place for me to earn a living? I don't know. I am talking to my mind, myself in a way that everyone doesn't know bout that. Lonely, introverted, is what I am. I don't know who will be my fate? How am I gonna know that? It is out of my power as humankind.
This 25 will be the normal hour for me to go to work every day like everyone else. I don't know how I want to react to this news. Maybe I could be happy if I can ride on my own so that I won't trouble my father to pick and send me. Oh Allah, help me to go through this internship period. No one would ever understand my feelingðŸ˜ðŸ˜ . It is an untold feeling, unable to describe my feeling. What am I supposed to do now? 14 January 2022 is too long. How do I handle this? I'm crying inside. A place where no one else knows. I am suffering please God 😓ðŸ˜
